Gearing up.

Can you believe I am 34 weeks prego? I thought my pregnancy with Charlotte was short because I thought I was 13 weeks and was really 20 weeks at my first appointment, but this one seems to have gone by just as fast. I guess with two little ones running around and life happening, the weeks just move by and all the details of pregnancy become a blur. Alas, here we are with 6 weeks (or less) to go, and once again I am feeling a bit nervous. I was sad just before Charlotte was born because I was so used to my little world where Jackson took regular naps and we spent all our time together. It seemed like a tornado was bearing down on our peaceful existence. And now (as usual) Charlotte is a precious part of that peaceful little world and given her personality, she really never caused much disturbance. But of course I feel some of the same anxiety with number 3 entering the scene so soon because once again we have reached a somewhat (very relative) peaceful routine where both kids sleep, eat what we eat, and play together well. I don't think I will ever rid myself of the desire to have my life be predictable and manageable, but God sure likes to shake things up for our little family to remind me that He is faithful and will provide what I need (energy, patience, sanity...you name it). This brings me to another topic that has been on my mind lately: planning.

If I am honest with myself, I have to admit that I am a planner at heart. But ever since my dad died, I just don't have the same desire to plan things out that I once did. That feeling of the rug being pulled out from under your world does something to you...changes you really. Suddenly it is exhausting to try to think through and plan everything which in my case has been a good thing because I would be a very frustrated individual if I depended too much on my plans for my life, family, etc. When people ask me what our plan is for kids, vacations, or really anything, I find myself sincerely saying that I don't have one because I don't. I am sure with the way our first 4 years of marriage have gone, you would never guess that this is the case. :)

Ok, now onto the rest of this crazy crew. Brandon has a two week reserve duty coming up and although it will be hard to take on the munchkins by myself, I am grateful that he can go before I have the baby rather than after. At least I can still contain the kids with my two hands instead of being completely outnumbered. The kids will miss him though, of that I can be sure. Their favorite game at the moment is tag with Daddy (where he is perpetually "it" of course). I just like to watch from the couch because quite frankly nothing makes me laugh more than Charlotte running at full speed...adorable. She is no longer the quiet little lady that she once was. She plays by herself really well, but she lets her opinion be known and can defend herself from Jackson as if she was his age. He of course is 100% in older brother mode...very protective, trying to teach her about everything, and teasing her when he can. But it warms my heart to see how much they love each other...I will soak that up while it lasts because it is oh so sweet.

I may start blogging what Jackson says to me more regularly as well because a) he is a talker and b) he has the most hilarious take on life and things around him. Sometimes I think I am talking to a teenager in a 3 year old body. Our latest discussion was about where the baby will sleep when she is born. Jackson goes to sleep in his room every night but Brandon has a little pallet set up in our room "just in case J gets scared" and he ends up there every morning around 5 or 6am. Now I told him that he will have to stay in his room when the baby arrives because I will be up and down with her and cannot be having the whole family sleeping in our room. His suggestion? Well, he thinks the baby should sleep on the pallet with him and that I can simply take her into the other room to feed her during the night and promptly return her to his pallet when I am done. Right, Jackson...that is going to happen. His next option was for her to sleep in the closet. Nice. Anything to ensure he doesn't lose his pallet privileges. When I have these discussions with him, all I can think about is how much he is like Brandon. Charlotte just wants to cuddle and read books...much more like me. Wonder what #3 will be like??